www.stopmeshopping.co.uk/now

Oxford Street is frigin hideous at the moment - to beat the queues this week I have mostly been using the internet...this is not good...must stop spending - this is not the new money aware me that I am trying to become for 2010!

Purchases in the last 24 hours:

• Navy gel Blackberry case
• Black leathr Blackberry case
• The Saturdays Album - Wordshaker
• Moleskine 2010 diary
• The September Issue on DVD

2009 - a Retrospective.

It's around two in the morning and I have work at nine, quite frankly I should be asleep! - Might have something to do with the bottle of "Spark" Vitamin Water I drank just before bed...well, Spark by name, Spark by nature - yes, that would be the guarana!?

To kill time, I thought I would log in, and review the year - How did I get on with my "Things to do in 2009"?

The new me in 2009 was going to....
Save some money every month – I’m thinking £20 is a good place to start? - FAIL
Aim to visit the gym at least twice a week. - FAIL, (I left!)
Only go out on the town once...OK, twice a week. - FAIL, although I'm sure I've slowed down!
Read more books - FAIL
Keep my Fraser-card on zero balance - FAIL
Eat healthy balanced diet. - Tried at this one..improving, all be it slowly
Take more photos. - PASS!

So, overall dissapointing! That wasn't enough for me..(what was I thinking!?) I was going to do the following as well...

1) Have a clear out (both London and Essex house) and EBay /charity shop stuff I don’t need. PASS
2) Sign up for French Lessons. - FAIL
3) Watch the sun-rise over London from Primrose Hill. - PASS
4) Go for dinner at Yauatcha, Soho - PASS
5) Visit Scotland. - FAIL
6) Go and play Bingo. - FAIL
7) Visit Buckingham Palace. - FAIL
8) Learn to cook dim-sum. - FAIL
9) Re-visit roller disco. - FAIL
10) Organise a University re-union. - FAIL
11) Go on a bike ride. - FAIL
12) Buy and keep alive a goldfish. - FAIL
13) Sing at Karaoke - PASS
14) Go and have a drink in the North London Tavern with Jo and Lori. - FAIL

4 out of 14 complete - oh dear! Well I shan't lose face, todays the 31st of December, I have until midnight to complete the other 10 right? So, here's the plan...actually, who am I kidding? That's clearly not going to happen, I could scoot past Buckingham Palace in my lunch break but it's not likely.

Going to keep it a little more achievable for 2010...what to do!? what to do!?

What a transformation!

It's official...I now have a domain! An actual address on the world wide web.. *sigh*...and it feel's good!

Where's before you had the long winded, laborious task of typing in the mile long address http://andalongcameme.blogspot.com you now only need go to www.andalongcameme.com and up I pop - I'm good to you!

Also check out my new flamboyant logo, oh yes that's right NEON!....this time I trully have out-gayed myself!

Video WOW of the week!

Aww it's Lulu my sister's new house rabbit - she's not trying to swim, she's actually trying to walk/ hop along my Mum's laminate floor - bless.

Me and my mates went along to help her choose the lil thing on Monday morning..I'm not going to lie, I was still drunk from the night before, I nearly asked the woman if I could buy rabbit clothes - my sister's lucky she was served and the RSPCA weren't called in.

House Rabbits - so fashionable right now!

TWEET!

I'm Paul and I'm a twitter-holic!



I remember signing up thinking this totally wont catch on, this is ridiculous, why would I use this here twitter, updating with just 140 characters when I could be connecting through facebook with as many words as I want?

Well truth is I think I'm nearly over la facebook!? I think it started to bore me when it got too clever? It was just a place to share some pics and vids, post a witty comment on a "wall" or perhaps send the cheeky poke....now there are two feeds, "live" and "news" (I still don't know the difference), I'm being notified of friends playing scrabble and what their last 7 letter score was and others who have found imaginary animals on imaginary farms? You're browsing away then all of a sudden four chat pages load up, you've got people you've never met wanting to be your friend and you've been invited to at least 4 events that both you and the other person know you won't be attending. Oh and don't say you "like" someone's status...you'll regret it when 400 other peoples comments get sent through, facebook seems to play matchmaker partnering up like-minded people - wrong!

Twitter is a lot more simpler, oh yes...140 characters, perhaps the odd pic - bish bash bosh - done!...I've got the ubertwitter application on my Blackberry and must admit I'm a serial updater! "I'm tired", "I'm awake", "I am vwery drunik". You know what you need to know, you can reply if you want, if you dont want to that's fine - simples!

Another fabulous thing is that every Tom, Dick and Celebrity is on there...wan't to know Stephen Fry or Ashton Kutcher's most inner thoughts? Just log on - they update on the minute, every minute! "Celebs" self-promoting themselves like crazy (just follow ParisHilton, Spencerpratt and heidimontag) Amazing! At the moment I have 49 followers and I'm following 101 people.

I'm a twitter-holic and proud - come follow me! "Pauluk1983".

Herman?

Just been out with some mates for dinner. On the tube home I realised that my blackberry has sent the following texts to my mate Lori all on it's own...



That's right..."Herman, hermaphorodite, Herman, Herman" - well of course!

3 for 2.

Everyone around me seems to have finished their Christmas Shopping...slightly panicked by this I decided to hit the shops last weekend.

I was in Covent Garden, I popped into a well known book shop which shall remain nameless (Waterstones)...I had a couple of books to buy for someone as a gift. I managed to track them down, went to pay and the lady behind the till smiled at me then looked at me like I was slightly retarded. She pointed out the sticker on the front of the book, "3 for 2"...she stopped putting the books through the till and suggested I go and see which book I wanted as my third and to pop back in a few minutes once I'd decided. I smiled back, did my whole roll of the eyes/ "aren't I silly" thing, then headed back in.

Well....I wandered those shelves for well over half an hour! I only needed 2 books - don't make me get three! I went up and down the shelves seriously about 15 times, I swear I must have looked like I was about to shop-lift, slowly sussing the place out, one security camera at a time.
Every time I thought I had found a possible contender it wasn't included in the frigin offer and I got that same deflated feeling as I trawled round again.

I didn't want a third book! I was tempted to go and just pay for the two but then I thought that the lady might think I was some sort of snob that didn't want to partake in any sort of offer or worst she thought I wasn't clued up enough to find an alternative book, clearly a reader of heat magazine and not the hard stuff. I kept searching.

Well you'll be glad to hear that some time later I did manage to find my final book, in fact I found four...If you're reading this and you get a book from me, a book you hate, a book you have no idea why I bought it for you, please just remember it's the thought and the amount of time spent on it's selection that counts! ;o)

Video WOW of the week!

I find Lady Gaga way too try hard normally but this performance on X factor = genius...I could be converted.

I've got a new toy...

The decision has been made and I have stayed true to the Blackberry lovin'...once you go black you never go back...I am now the owner of a lovely jubbly Blackberry Bold 9700...swishy!

Video WOW of the week!

Can't get enough of this song at the moment...Sugababes - "About A Girl".

Ahhh the Sugababes...no original members but they keep the tunes coming.

There's only one Sugababe in my eyes...the beautiful Heidi, the other two can jog on, oh yes, you heard me!

What to do?

So been thinking about something very important...

Do I stay loyal to blackberry or do I go to the dark side and get an I-phone? Both available on Orange, both free and both in my opinion pretty fab! I need some help!

vs

What a load of Angel Delight...

Isn't life funny? It's true what they say about fashion being cyclical...it's becoming more and more evident in these times of "recessional" hardship that we like to go back to a time when things were good and things felt better.

For example ladies and gentlemen take Angel Delight...no really, stay with me...recently I read that Angel Delight sales had risen considerably since entering this current dark period. People connected this light whippy all be it VERY sugary dessert with good times, it's been around since the 60's and its kept it's place on our high street shelves ever since. It's not expensive, it's easy to make and tastes damn good.

Marks and Spencer celebrated their 100 year birthday recently, they went back to their roots and played upon the penny bazarr format which made their name famous way way back many years ago. They knew people needed a distraction, they knew people wanted mega cheap things and above all they knew that with their sales dipping they needed to do something quick to drum up a frenzy - thousands of people bought stuff they didn't really need in those few days.

Similarly, I don't know if you've noticed but the increase in vintage TV adverts that have been dug out of the archives and are gracing our screens again? Ones I've seen so far are Milky Way and Toys R'us....amazing! It took me straight back to my childhood, which to be fair wasn't that long ago, I still consider myself a young 25 year old, but it worked.

It makes you wonder what else will be due back an entry on our British High streets? hmmm...Maybe Tab Clear (where did that go?) the taste of cola with no colour, genius! stand alone Woolworths pick and mix stores? Now there's an idea!

Sing along now everyone...The red car and the blue car had a race....

Video WOW of the week!

Tim has booked us tickets to go and see the new James Cameron movie Avatar at the Imax Cinema....so excited! Released 18th December...looks brilliant!

He's making a list and checking it twice.

It's that time again...each week we are seeing more and more contestants being thrown off of Strictly and X-factor, this can mean only one thing...Christmas is nearly upon us.

As ever my Dad started shopping mega early again and asked for a Christmas list, here goes (in no particular order) :

1) Black Passport cover
2) I-tunes vouchers (gotta love a download).
3) Starbucks branded metal tumbler.
4) Black Business Card holder (to store my business cards).
5) Complete series of Absolutely Fabulous DVD
6) Latest Series of Spooks DVD
7) Bear Bricks
8) Hong Kong Guide Book
9) Black Manhattan Portage Wallet
10) Black Manhattan Portage Vinyl Messenger Bag
11) Sherlock Holmes and the Mystery of the Mummy DS game

That's where I am so far.

Ho Ho Ho!

Sorry I've not been in touch, I've been away in Hong Kong.

I got back in the early hours of this morning, I've managed to get a little bit of a sleep, I've unpacked and put some washing round, a watched washing machine never washes, so I thought I'd pop to Starbucks, my reason two-fold...firstly I need to re-Londonise, secondly think I'll be thankful for the caffeine this afternoon.

I'm sat here with my Vanilla Late, relaxed, chilled. I thought I would blog about my time in the Far East...are you sitting comfortably?...then I will begin.

I flew out last Saturday, a late 11 something or other flight from Terminal 5. 13 hours later I arrived in Hong Kong. I imagined it to be busy, full of neon lights, tall buildings and really noisy...I was right on all four accounts, one thing I didn't expect was the heat, really warm! I don't know why but I figured that the temperature would be quite close to London - my geography is pretty crap and so I'm not surprised I got it wrong. The other thing that I wasn't expecting was the huge mountains on the horizon.

The hotel we were staying is was beautiful, the Langham Place in Mongkok (oh what a funny name), I was on the 19th floor (there were 43 floors) the room had a pretty impressive view over the city...in true HK style the room was pretty technical, a video tour of my room showing me how everything works and a phone that was way too technical to use.

We had a couple of hours before dinner and so my designer David and I went to the "ladies market", no idea why it's called that. I've never seen so many people scurrying around, I've lived in London and New York but this was something else! The market was selling all sorts of "designer" clobber, that Chanel watch you wanted? Yours for $300 HKD, that Prada bag? Just $500HKD, sound expensive? Think again, $100HKD equated to around 8 quid! My favourite was definitely the "Authentic" Ralph Lauren polo shirts for $30HKD, yes ladies and gentlemen, roll up, roll up, yours for just £2.50.

Later that evening we went for an authentic Chinese meal, OK, I lie, we ended up in an Indian. I learnt very quickly that the buildings are multi-purpose in the city, with such a huge population in a relatively small space it's hardly surprising. Going up in the lift the doors open on each floor, one floor seems to be residential flats, up again, offices, up again, a restaurant , up again a shopping mall. After the meal (which was yummy) we went for a Chinese massage, well I think it was Chinese? I guess I assumed really. After that I retired to bed, I'd like to say the massage relaxed me, it didn't...the guy was brutal, that combined with an Indian meal and jet lag resulted in a sleepless night.

Down to business - the rest of the week was used meeting suppliers and briefing in AW10 product. No free time for me. On work trips you tend to either be in your hotel, in a cab, in an office or in a restaurant (in work mode). I always knew this one was going to be a busy trip, briefing in products like outerwear take some time. I'm hoping to get some more me-time when I go back in May, saying that I've already had two invites to China to see some factories.

Hong Kong was very different to London however surprisingly also very Western. The roads had very English names and pretty much everyone spoke English. The food on the other hand, very Eastern! Being a vegetarian I knew this was going to be a challenge, I've walked down China Town in London several times and found the sight of ducks, pigs and animals I didn't even know you could eat hanging in the windows slightly hard to stomach, saying that I'm also a dab hand at using chop sticks and a fan of Dim-sum so knew I wouldn't go hungry.

It's about half 12 here in London, so in theory my body thinks it's 7.30 in the evening, I'm not feeling tired yet - my trusty Vanilla Latte may well have saved the day. Oh great it's raining! Heavy, cold winter rain..hmmm could be time for another bevvy.

haha...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Video WOW of the Week!

Love her, love the song but what a crap video!! 1,2,3, doobey, doobey dee dee.

What a nice man.

My faith in humanity has been restored. Imagine the scene...I'm late for work, I'm jet lagged and in need of a coffee.

I darted into Starbucks on Baker Street, ordered my Grande Vanilla Late, went to pay and realised that I didn't have my debit card with me...In fact all I had was 3 dollars which clearly wasn't going to get me anywhere, well not in this country anyway.

I was just asking the Barista to stop making my drink (very embarassing!), about to leave when the guy next to me in the queue offered to pay! Clearly he could see how much I was in need of that coffee! I accepted.

What a nice guy! That NEVER happens in London! As I dashed up the road to my office I thought to myself, "Would I do the same?" I concluded that I probably would, I then thought I wish I'd ordered a croissant as well and gone Venti!

Video WOW of the week!

I am probably going to be a very bad gay here and say that I'm starting to bore of "The Cheryl"...but before I have my membership card revoked, love her new song, love this remix..may I present "Fight For this Love" by Cheryl Cole, remixed by Moto Blanco.

Video WOW of the week!

Silly name....FABULOUS song!

The City that never sleeps...

It's 5.40am here in NYC, I am currently sat on my bed fully clothed after being rudely awakened by the most hideous fire alarm in the world!

It went off about 20 minutes ago....a very loud siren blasting into everyones rooms. I guess if there was a fire I would be thankful for it, It woke me up straight away. In fact I wonder if I can get one installed in my flat? (The Penthouse tm) Monday mornings are always difficult.

Anyway, upon thrashing around in the dark to find the light, army rolling across the bed to grab the welcome kit I have located what the alarm means...

"The sounding of an alarm indicates that a dangerous condition may exist in the building. Do not investigate, be prepared to leave your room from the nearest exit. Await further instructions via the public address system". I know! Just like a movie! Isn't it exciting?

Said "public address system" has since told us to remain in our rooms at present...I can do that, I like my room! In fact right now I would like it even more if I was asleep, in my bed, in my room.

A whirl of a few fire engine sirens outside (I don't know if they are heading for this hotel but it's adding excitement right?)..another announcement...

"This is your Head of Safety at the Soho Grand Hotel, we have investigated the alarm THOROUGHLY - Please can everyone please remain in their rooms until further notice, if you are currently staying on floors 8,9,10 or 11 and can smell smoke please place damp towels under your doors and call Reception for further instructions".

WHAT?! You've investigated everything thoroughly, we can stay in our rooms, BUT, floors 8 to 11 might need to seal their doors up? Call me a drama queen if you wish but that's a mixed signal if ever there was one. What if you're on the 12th floor? If I learnt one thing in Science it is this, heat rises and it's not good to be in a room above it.

...Twenty minutes has passed and the Head of Safety (who incidentally sounds a lot like the guy who shows you the tables in the bar) has apologised for the inconvenience and said we can go back to our rooms, which I guess means everything is OK?

Fabulous...well it would be if I didn't have to get up in about 20 minutes and get in the shower to start the day. Talking of showers, I hope those guys on the 12th floor haven't used all their towels up forming a barrier between them and erm...nothing?

You think they've thought of everything...

I'm in New York at the moment for work, an inspirational trip for AW10.

These trips basically involve us spending hundreds of dollars on fabulous samples and walking in to almost every store in Manhattan...good [but exhausting] times. Jet lag keeps veering it's ugly head now and again, it's half 7 here but my body (and my laptop) keeps telling me it's half past midnight at home.

Just managed to get a rare few mins in the hotel room so thought I would let y'all know about an amazing product I saw yesterday evening. You might have heard of Starbucks VIA, they've recently arrived in London (an Instant version of Starbucks for those not in the know) but now that can move right over, right into the discounted aisle...check this out...

Canned Starbucks?! I think it's some kinda of energy drink?...Me likey...and more importantly me NEEDY!

This week I have mostly been drinking...

...Glacéau's Vitamin Water.

LOVED these when I lived in New York but alas they didn't sell them in the UK, but hurrah they do now!

My favourite is "REVIVE" - I'm a complete sucker for marketing (I should know better), it's just so hard to resist such a colourful bottle containing such a powerful potion (or at least I'm lead to think).

"We've all been there, the day of the living dead after the mother of all nights below. Feeling like we've got three left feet and a herd of buffalo doing the macerena inside our heads - they must have been at the same watering hole last night, and why-oh-why is it so bright? quick shut the fridge door and stop that clock flashing on the dvd player. Don't wory, help is at hand, bring your taste buds back from the dark side with the delicious combination of b vitamins + potassium in revive. Less Shaun of the dead, more get outta bed".

...Don't mind if I do! Be gone Buffalo be gone!

Lovin' the Loop of Living TV

It's started again! Who's watching America's Next Top Model? My money is on London to win - London being the girls name - genius, shes a little bit on the rounder side but she's quirky and I like that.

I would search for a picture of my girl of the moment but by doing so I instantly run the risk of finding out who wins as it's already shown in the states...been there done that, ruined a series...so here is a piccie of the lady herself - Tyra Banks!



Now KEEP the face pretty y'all!

Video WOW of the week!

So I've already posted a video WOW but it's my blog and I'll break the rules if I want ;o) Here is the The Saturdays next single... "Forever Is Over" - due to be released 5th October, not keen on the video if I'm perfectly honest and Mollie needs a good slap but loving the sound.

Video WOW of the week!

Katy Brand's Big Ass Show has started again...genius!

Turkey...so much more than a bird

I survived it, my first work trip!

I flew to Turkey Monday night to put my SS10 range into work, available in your local House of Fraser store as of January!

It's actually not my first work trip officially, I went to Denmark as an Assistant Buyer for one of my Jack and Jones selections and also been to the Bread and Butter trade show but this is my first official trip as a Buyer...happy days!

Thought it might be quite nice to record my trips on this here blog, so in a years time I can look back and smile...thinking about the days when I enjoyed travelling for work (I hear you get tired of it quite quickly). This might be true but I am going to make the most of the experience one plane journey at a time.

So Turkey...did I get to visit the magnificent Blue Mosque? No...did I get a change to soak up the sun and embrace the culture? No...I was there for 3 days, 3 long days. Mornings started early and the days involved being driven from one factories office to another trying to put together a range and find suitable fabrics...I paint a dull picture, it was actually really fun. It was great to be there, ask for a print to be altered and then see a sample within a matter of hours (we call these strike-offs in the "high flying business of fashion" dontcha know). I can't believe I am going to say this, but another highlight was when the YKK zip representatives (have a look...I bet you're wearing a YKK zip right now) visited us, we could instantly choose colours, and after a quick phone call to their factory, voila, somewhere in Turkey a zip, our zip was being produced.

Our agents in Turkey really looked after us. Starbucks in the morning (oh yes!), lunches, entry to private members bars to watch the footy (Manchester United were staying in the same hotel as us!), dinners...a very friendly team, in fact the majority of the Turkish people that we met were friendly people, very hospitable.

I flew back yesterday evening, slept in London last night and I am currently sat on a train to Devon for a mini holiday with my family, (when I say mini I mean one night), then on to Essex to see more family, then back to London and off to New York next Friday for another work trip (update to come)...I'm back in Turkey beginning of October to put another range into work...I think my cousin was right when she called me a gypsy the other day...I prefer "Traveller".

It's Soho LIVE day! (aka Soho Pride)

If London pride wasn't enough, us lucky London gays get a second dose...SOHO LIVE.

The normally quiet and straight laced streets of Soho (yeah right!) are transformed before our very eyes to a big 'ol party, boys, girls, those who don't know what they are all come out to play and generally have a big knee's up.

Last year was amazing, one of my best days since I've lived in the big smoke... It got rather messy...



...and that was when we arrived!

We ended up going drinking, dancing and went to a club on a school night - tut tut! Not this year though...my reasons are multiple, I have zero funds, I have an early start tomorrow AND I fly to Turkey for work; as I get older my recovery is getting more and more delayed and I don't want to spend tomorrow with my head over a toilet on a plane...oh no!

Happy Soho Pride Everyone!

Video WOW of the week!

Granted not really a video, more of a song WOW!

Admittedly I was a little harsh about the Sugababes in a recent post, even muttering the words..."they've become washed up and I'm over them" well I take it all back...this tune is just that...CHUNE!

Starbucks Review No.9 : New Oxford Street

My first Starbucks review on the road...the New Oxford Street Starbucks was where Tim and I had our first date.

It's massive! 2 floors in fact! I'm currently sat upstairs looking out the window at Dotty P's and the Centre Point building, sipping an iced cafe mocha and listening to Kylie on my ipod...good times.

It's clean and comfortably popular with cool desk areas where people can plug their laptops in. Staff were pleasant and speedy, drink is good!

It's not one of my favourites (It's lacking something) - I dont think I'll rush back, to be fair I'm not normally up this end of Oxford Street very much anyway.

I reward this Starbucks a straight down the middle 5 mochas out of 10. Ta-dah!

Larry R.I.P

I have sad sad news...Larry my laptop died about a week ago.

I remember the day we met, it was a week before my dissertation was due "When will men stop acting like men? How can we get the modern male back in our shops?"...deep I know! Anyway, it was a week before, 10,000 words typed, final editing stages and it just made this weird whirling noise and turned off. To say I was stressed doesn't even come close as you can imagine! I had to go to those rather questionable shops on Tottenham Court Road and just buy the cheapest laptop I could, after a quick dash to Essex to get the Microsoft Office software from my Dad I returned and luckily managed to retrieve the back up, bad times.

I use my laptop alot - I'm no techno geek, I'm just a bit of a social-site whore and as you know am partial to the odd blog from time to time, seeing as I just got my promotion at work, I thought I would treat myself and purchased a little netbook..."the same as a laptop but just smaller with slightly less features" - thank you Mr.John Lewis. Here he is...

It's about half the size of my old laptop (R.I.P) and for that very reason I can pretty much keep it in my bag, today I've brought it out with me, it's introduction to the outside world. I'm currently sat in Starbucks, looking rather studious, typing away, typing this! A live blog entry!

Question is...are y'all ready for the first Starbucks review on the Road?...hold on to your hats.

Video WOW of the Week!

Now people WOW isn't always a good thing, oh no! ...it can sometimes be something tragic that has the same reaction.

Was watching T4 this morning and then this delight came on...the Sugababes new single - Get Sexy...a live performance, what a "treat"! WOW indeed.

down boy

At the weekend I saw a poster for a lost dog just up the road - my first thought was the 101 dalmations movie, my second thought was - what dog would I get?

I decided on a Westie...

I would call him Dillon...he would like walks in Regents Park and enjoy playing frisby.

Productive weekend really.

Video WOW of the week!

Well spotted Tim! Shakira's latest efforts....not bad huh?

Video look's like it's going to be more uncomfortable to watch than sexy...however catchy up-beat song and wolf howling all mixed into another fine Moto Blanco edit...welcome back Shakka!

Q

Isn't queuing strange? I don't mean the actual action of queuing, I'm talking the instant switch between no queue to looooooong queue.

Surely you've all noticed? You'll be in a shop, picking your food for the week, it's time to pay (before you pick up any more crap you don't need) this is your chance, empty till point, you suss out your surroundings and glide in to the queue just before Gladys gets there with her tinned spam and cat food. You turn round and all of a sudden the queue is down the aisle - instantly everyone has decided now is the time they want to pay.

Just the other day I was in Marks and Spencer (Chelmsford, if you're interested) there was no queue so the shop assistants were re-stocking the shelves and arranging the mixed nuts (very important jobs), I toddled along with my roll and yoghurt, then all of sudden there was a swoop - FBI stylee, customers lined up behind me tapping their feet.

I've seen it on the other side of the fence as well, when I worked in Topman (Oxford Circus, if you're interested). Smile, scan, "do you have a Topman account card", pack, "have a good day". A manageable 2 or 3 customers, then BOOM! Snow ball effect, all the gays, (I mean customers) are lining up waiting to be served.

Why does it happen? People know how to shop, they know how to pay, it's not like they are waiting to see how someone does it in front of them - God, which way do you insert your card into the "chip'n'pin" machine? Do I give them the money or do they reach into my wallet and take it themselves? It's not rocket science.

Perhaps it's a comfort thing, why queue alone when you can be with others and work the queue? - "oh I see you went for the tuna baguette? interesting, I'm more of a pesto pasta kinda guy, do you come here often?". Maybe it's that human craving for company?

I feel sorry for the Sales Assistants in all of this queue craziness. One minute they're asking Mrs.Smith how her kids are, the next minute scan, scan, scan, scan, scan they go into panicked production line mode...NEXT! So people, next time you're in your local supermarket, bear a thought for the retail front line behind the check-outs. Think one in, one out.

Don't cha?!

I was in Newmarket last night, Newmarket is in Suffolk...I learnt that yesterday.

The reason I was in Newmarket (which is in Suffolk) was to see the Pussycat Dolls.

I must admit I wasn't my usual over excited self for the concert, it might have something to do with the fact that I was in work in the morning and I was tired. This wasn't helped by the fact that when we got to the venue, Newmarket race course, the rest of the crowd clearly had about 5 hours drinking time on us...they were all wrecked.

We pulled up a seat next to a hen party and a group of pissed suits and tucked into our picnic - the setting was amazing, blow up doll to my right, chanting "men" to my left and the rain lashing it down outside...good times! ;o)

We watched a couple of the races, horses in case you're wondering, not dogs, and then headed over to the stage area....No roof! I'm wadding around in the mud in a zip up track top, fetching poncho and white, yes, white converse, you take the boy out of the city....

The Dolls came on...amazing! Nicole Shizy-wotzit was in the middle (obviously) wearing an amazing sparkly hooded sweat top, she told us they were bringing the LA sun with them and we should see the rain as "little kisses of love from Heaven". Several arguments kicked off regarding umbrellas and whether they should be allowed up, I'm proud to say my Mum and Aunt started two of said arguments...of course, the vile girls in front quickly put theirs down.

An actual physical fight kicked off between a 30 year old lad and a 60 year old man who was removed from the crowd with a smashed up face, I'm sure he deserved it, I'm pretty sure I saw him swaying un-controllably earlier on in the evening and I don't mean in a cool "I can see the music way".

I paint such a negative picture...the girls were actually amazing and the show they put on was excellent, great remixes and their dancing explains why they are the size of Starbucks straws! OK it was rainy, muddy and I didn't feel the safest in the crowd but they kinda made you forget your surroundings - dare I say it, they were better than Girls Aloud...and cheaper! Who woulda thought?

I would definitely see them again if given the opportunity, perhaps in a stadium with a roof and sofas?

Have a look see - this video clip was in Birmingham, just imagine it with more rain, more drink and more mud! Check out 5:19 - wow!

Video WOW of the week!

I love Sophie Ellis Bexter - so talented, so beautiful , so tall.

Seamlessly rhyming "dancer" and "faster"?

London Pride 2009

A quick 2009 update...

Just realised that we're half way through the year, well actually a little further than half and I just wanted to announce how crap I have been at my 2009 things to do! As you know I went Karaoke for Kieran's Birthday months and months ago...further things I can update?..just two...

1) Have a clear out (both London and Essex house) and EBay /charity shop stuff I don’t need.
2) Sign up for French Lessons.
3) Watch the sun-rise over London from Primrose Hill.
4) Go for dinner at Yauatcha, Soho
5) Visit Scotland.
6) Go and play Bingo.
7) Visit Buckingham Palace.
8) Learn to cook dim-sum.
9) Re-visit roller disco.
10) Organise a University re-union.
11) Go on a bike ride.
12) Buy and keep alive a goldfish.
13) Sing at Karaoke
14) Go and have a drink in the North London Tavern with Jo and Lori.

How crap is that!? I did my clear out (no.1) about 3 months ago now. I went back to Chelmsford got up in the loft, got all my stuff out...wow I found some beauties - old school projects, pictures of the ex (bleugh!), fashion books, Steps Videos. Some of it I had destroyed immediately (the afore mentioned photos) other bits had a little bit more meaning to me, like my Paul Frank cuddly toys that I paid a small fortune for in uni and some converse shoes that I forgot I even had. The other bits and pieces I brought back to London to e-bay, that money has probably since been been pissed away (literally).

Moving on to my second "accomplishment"...Last night I went to Primrose Hill for an evening picnic with my mates Jo, Lori and David to watch the sun-set (OK my New Year check-list said sun-rise but I'm clutching at straws here!). We all met at Finchley Road, grabbed some nosh then walked up to Primmy Hill...what a lovely evening. We took drink with us, my housemate Jo said something so true yesterday, if you take Cider to Primrose Hill (and oh we did!) it's acceptable...swig it in your local park and you're a chavy-skank-bag? I bought myself a lovey bottle of Belgian Raspberry beer from Waitrose, it's still in the fridge now (who puts a beer cap on...and then a friggin' cork?).

Highlights of the evening were us playing music on David's phone like chavs and watching people set off 1,2,3..no 4 million of those weird mini hot air baloon things? Have you seen then? You light this dish then wait for the bag to fill with hot air then let it go into the night sky, oh it was beautiful but bloody hell how dangerous! - who could think it is a good idea to set off naked flame into the sky? If you too want to risk life and limb and all the trees around you, you can buy into this fad here.

Lori - "Quick someone is setting alight a bed-sheet!"

As the sun started to set we were joined by a little visitor a homeless dog, it was clearly flea ridden and sad looking but he was so cute! Lori called him Chiquito - have you seen a dog look so un-like a "Chiquito" in your life?

Starbucks Review No.8 : Hackershe Hoefe, Berlin, Germany

I was in Berlin Tuesday to Thursday with work at the Bread and Butter Trade Show for SS10...great time, some great brands, just bloody knackered right now!

After we landed Myself and 2 work mates ("Rocket Girl" and Kieran) had Tuesday to "do" the shops. The sun was unbelievably hot, fantastic weather! We wondered around for a good number of hours then thought we would stop for a pick-me-up, I suggested Starbuck-ers (of course).

I ordered an Iced Caffe Mocha no cream, what did I get an Iced Caffe Mocha WITH cream. I hate cream, well except Ice-cream but that doesnt count really. I paid something ridiculous like £4 for a wrong drink, I did say to the lovely, smiley, polite Barista that I didnt order cream (can you sense sarcasm on-line?) but she looked at me like I was a complete pain in the arse and I'd just asked her to donate a Kidney, no make that three kidneys...her look alone was enough for me to back-down and just admit defeat, I walked out, head hung slightly, cream atop my mocha.

The actual place was nice, it had a nice hub-bub about it, right in the busy stretch of East Berlin, the place was clean and well it gave me that instant feeling of contentment, you know like when you really need to pee and then see the loos...with no queue! It felt like home.

This said I can obviously not overlook the incorrect order and rather hostile, dare I say it Germanic customer service...Hackershe Hoefe scores 3.5 mochas out of 10. tut tut.

Video WOW of the week!

I might be more tolerant of young children if they ACtually did things like this!

Starbucks Review No.7 : Crawley Tesco.

Once again, I've left a long gap between reviews, I don't know why that is I've been intensifying my visits if anything, my reason is two-fold, firstly...It's the summer and it's been HOT! Who wouldn't want a soothing Iced Cafe Mocha to cool down with? Secondly I've had this bloody spasm in my eye for two weeks now! People keep telling me that it's because I'm tired and/ or stressed...I've been thinking relaxing thoughts and getting lots of sleep but still stuck twitching away like a nutter...I had some time on a train journey to Tim's yesterday so I googled "Eye Twitch"...

According to eyedoctorguide.com : "Blepharospasm is the technical term for involuntary eye twitching (eye spasms). Blepharospasm is more specifically defined as an abnormal involuntary blinking or spasm of the eyelids. Eye twitching usually involves involuntary movements of the eyelid specifically. Some refer to this condition as eye spasms. Some doctors often refer to this condition when chronically present as "blinking disorder."

Well as funny as a "blinking disorder" sounds I don't want one! So googling away, I find a cure on medicalnewstoday.com : "People who drink coffee are less likely to develop an involuntary eye spasm".

Tim and I went for a nice walk near his new flat this morning. We took a slight diversion so I could get my fix. We popped into Tesco, where he told me there was a Starbucks

....We went up the escalator to the mezzanine floor...my friends know how I love a good mezzanine floor! A whole other level of crap you don't need!

Anyway, Starbucks...What a sight for spasm-ing eyes! It was huge, ample seating...very clean, very popular! Didn't queue for long, got to the front, the Barista was friendly, over friendly...I don't know if she thought Tim and I were deaf but she was yelling at us..."HI THERE! WHAT CAN I GET YOU GUYS?", lovely girl though! Very knowledgeable, I asked her a question about my reward card and she explained it to me LOUD and clear. Drink was made quickly and perfectly...ice cold...lovely!

I give the Starbucks on the mezzanine floor in Tesco, in Crawley 7 mochas out of 10. Twitching be gone!

When I can drive I want....

Bodypanels grey metallic
Tridion safety cell, black
Leather seats (black)

Standard equipment
Engine/drivetrain
52 kW / 71 bhp naturally aspirated petrol engine, micro hybrid drive, 999cc
Fuel consumption combined: 64.3 MPG
CO2emissions combined:105 g/km
softouch: automatic gear program and kick-down function, switchable to softip
Brakes/dynamic handling control system
Anti-lock braking system (abs) with electronic braking force distribution
Hydraulic brake assist
esp - electronic stability program with hill holder
Hydraulic dual-circuit brake system with brake booster

Exterior
Detachable roof bars
Electric tritop-textile-convertible roof (fully automatic) with glass rear window and headlining
Integrated storage compartment in tailgate
Door mirror housing & radiator grille in silver
tridion safety cell in black or silver

Interior
Door nets
2-spoke leather steering wheel and leather gear knob
Make-up mirror for passenger sun visor
Passenger seat backrest can be folded right down for through-loading
Contrast components in the colours: "pearl grey", "pearl red" or "pearl beige"; colour-coordinated with upholstery
Fabric elements on instrument panel, door trim and kneepad; colour-coordinated with upholstery

Storage
Storage compartments on passenger side, next to the steering wheel and in the doors
Luggage compartment cover, retractable incl. net bag
Storage compartment in tailgate

Cockpit
Instrument cluster with multifunctional display
Outside temperature indicator with frost warning

Audio
smart radio 9 (RDS-radio CD; incl. 2 loudspeakers)

Safety
Crash sensor for activation of hazard warning
Crash-absorbing elements (rear/front)
Full-size driver and passenger airbag
Integral safety seats
Seat belts with belt tensioner and belt-force limiter
drive lock - automatic door locking when the vehicle is in motion
tridion safety cell

Functional/electrical equipment
12-volt socket with cover
Air conditioning with automatic temperature control (incl. dust, pollen filter)
Electric windows (open/close function)
Indicators with lanechanger function
Heated rear window
Comfort windscreen wipers with speed-sensitive interval wiping and automatic wipe/wash function
Central locking and immobiliser with radio remote control
Remote roof release via 3 button key

Special equipment
Luxury Package
Leather seats (black)
Seat heating
Dashboard in leather optic (black)

Extras
Electric power steering (eps)
9-spoke alloy wheels (15) with tyres front: 155/60 R15; rear 175/55 R15
Lockable glove compartment
Additional instruments (rev counter & clock)
smart sound system (2 tweeter, 2 midwoofer, subwoofer, smart MP3-interface)
Portable smart navigation system II incl. Holder
Bluetooth hands-free system
smart MP3 Input
Breakdown kit
Safety plus package
Anti-theft protection for alloy wheels/steel wheels
Emergency jacket
Hazard triangle
First Aid Kit
Anti-theft alarm system
Front fog lights
Electr. adjustable and heated door mirrors
BRABUS ambient lighting (additional illumination of the footwell)
Two-tone fanfare horn
Audio switchbox
Velour floor mats
Wind deflector
Rubber mats for storage compartments (set of 3)
CD Box (for 6 CDs)
Cupholder (0,3 - 1l)
Luggage compartment management system
Storage for sunglasses
Telephone console
Chrome package (front grill, mirror caps and rear trim in chrome)
Fog light rims in chrome

Video WOW of the Week!

haha love this advert...Coca Cola advert for Summer 2009...Where can I get myself one of those furby/ gremlin things?

Yes...No....Yes.

Simple, straight to the point - Have I ever...

Given anyone a bath: No.
Smoked: No.
Bungee Jumped: No.
Made yourself throw-up: Yes.
Gone skinny dipping: No.
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: No.
Broken a bone: No.
Played truth or dare:Yes.
Been in a physical fight: No.
Been in a police car: Yes.
Come close to dying: No.
Been in a sauna: Yes.
Been in a hot tub: Yes.
Fallen asleep in school: Yes.
Ran away: Yes.
Broken someone's heart: Yes.
Cried when someone died: Yes.
Flashed someone: No.
Cried in school: Yes.
Fell off your chair: Yes.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for a call: Yes.
Saved MSN conversations:Yes.
Saved e-mails: Yes.
Made out with just a friend: No.
Used someone: Yes.
Been cheated on?: Yes.
Done something you regret?: Yes.

Video WOW of the Week!

Loving this song at the moment...haha watch her strut....amazing!

She's so open-minded! Not at all phased by the girl dancing in the bog.

i så forvirret

...That's Norwegian for "I'm so confused".

Let me take you back to Saturday just gone - Eurovision night! How on Earth did Norway win!? For those of you who didn't watch the show here's the performance, for those of you who did, a nasty reminder....



Yes, I know what you're thinking, I thought it too...

• Why is Harry Potter playing a fiddle?
• Why are the dancers dancing like frogs?
• Who the hell are those scary girls in pink?

Put it this way, on my official score-card I gave Norway a measely 12 out of 30. 4 for song quality (it is quite catchy), 4 for performance (the dancing frogs are spritely) and 4 for Dance/Outfits (the scary girls in pink save the day here).

They were certainly no Ukraine! The woman re-mortgaged her bloody house to pay for her stage set. Did the little norwegian imp care enough to do that? nope, by the looks of things, he didnt even invest in a new stick/ bow thing!

As with many issues in life I turn to the comments on youtube for guidance..."the song sucks and this ugly guy should die" - perhaps a little harsh Fussgaengerzone! Musicloveroninternet says they "dont know anyone that does not like his songs", they've clearly not met me and jjgreek1 exclaimed "Freedom for Russia's Gays NOW", there's a time and a place and I feel this is the wrong forum.

Rule Britannia....

It's officially been over a month since I updated my blog! But I'm back and with a good'un!

Tonight, is the night...The 54th Eurovision Song Contest goes live to the Nation! WOW!

There are 25 countries in the final, only one can win! This year they are trying to remove the risk of "political voting" by incorporating two elements of a vote. The public of each country will vote for their favourite country...I mean song...and then a panel of music experts will also vote for their favourite, the scores will be added together and this will be the countries vote. Basically it's not only up to the public to vote it's a 50/50 split between the un-trained ear and that of the music experts!

I wonder who the UK are using as our panel of Music Experts...perhaps The Cheeky Girls? They've been quiet for a while? Or Victoria Beckham? Rick Waller!? We've had such fine fine musical wonders! I wasn't asked granted...but Im going to give you my predictions...With risk of sounding like a Blue Peter presenter, you too can join along and vote for your favourites by visiting the official Eurovision Song Contest website: http://www.eurovision.tv .

Lithuania - Loving the political message "Stop the Violence" used in the video, how humanitarian, How Madonna! Real instruments should also gain him respect from the "real" musicians.

Israel - Awful song, Awful video.

France - A ballad? This is Eurovision!...enough said....next!

Sweden - Opera with a beat!? Genius! LOVING the outfits, loving the cheesy dancers...a good contender!

Croatia - A little too "Croatian" for me...however they earn points with an impressive video although they loose these points by presenting themselves as a duet when it's clearly the guy singing it all! The girl Andrea Šušnjara just seems to flounce around like a human flag.

Portugal - Vile.

Iceland - The official website say that Yohanna "started singing even before she could talk"(?!) hmmm...I'm willing to overlook this ridiculous comment because the song isn't too bad and she's mighty pretty and there is a key change (I love a key change)...will that be be enough though?

Greece - Great entry last year (Kalomoira - Secret Combination) will they come up with the goods again this year? HELL YES! Fantastic video, beautiful singer (bad dancer though), great song! Greece you've done us proud again!

Armenia - Weird but kinda Cool. Not liking the use of "normal" people as dancers, leave it to the proffesionals...catchy tune though!

Russia - The winners last year! hmmm obviously couldnt be arsed this year.

Azerbaijan - Loving the girl, Loving the Video, Loving the Dancers, the song is alright, my advice...lose the scary looking Tom-Jones-esque guy.

Bosnia & Herzegovina - Two countries input? Firstly is that fair? Evidence a problem shared is not always a problem halved. The song is ok, but these guys need to sack the stylist...everyone know eurovision is 40% outfit choice, 30% use of dancers and stage effects, 20% hotness of singer and 10% singing ability.

Moldova - "One autumn morning in a small village in the south of Moldova a young woman prayed to her god; she asked: “Give me, My God, a girl who would become a singer!"...HAHA!

Malta - oh God what to say! I don't want to seem a bitch, but when I watched this video my instant thought was "Michelle McManus" I could over look this if the song was good...it isnt.

Estonia - Great Fringe, crap song.

Denmark - Hot Singer but what's with the American twang to the voice? Very commercial pop song, dare I say it Ronan Keating stylee?...could do well, not eurotrash enough for my liking though.

Germany - Oh my! "Hey Miss Kiss, let us dance"? There's already one Ricky Martin in the world and that's too many in my opinion. Hmmm, the jury is out over this one.

Turkey - This is what Eurovision is all about! Beautiful girl, cheesy music and thrusting dance moves - one comment... I pray that she wears a better outfit on the night...a great contender for Greece.

Albania - AWFUL AWFUL video but fabulous song, shes only 17!

Norway - hate it, he's like the Norwegian version of Ray Quinn!

Ukraine - My favourite entry last year (see my 2008 year review) and this year is no different so far - another AMAZING entry. The video and song has a real Girls Aloud crossed with Britney vibe about it...I havent listened to all the countries yet - but so far...this is one of my favourites!

Romania - I wasnt expecting a lot from the Romanias...but this is actually bloody good! This is getting hard, I think this is probably just as good as the Ukraines entry! I'm torn now! This has a real Britney vibe to the video, we all know I love a bit of Miss.Spears.

United Kingdom - Don't like her, Don't like the song. It's the Eurovision song contest, not battle of the musicals! I also can't get the performance out of my head when she won our country heats and basically sobbed and snotted down the mic...1 mocha out of 10.

Finland - Don't get the video nor do I like it...the song is pretty catchy though, bit chavvy perhaps? Will have to see how the live performance goes, if there is a mirror ball involved this could sway my decision.

Spain - last and pretty must least the Spanish entry...I dont like her haircut but the song is OK....not as good as some of the other countries though..."come on and take me, come on a shake me" - could be a great jingle for shake 'n' vac!?

So that's the lot...My money is on one of two countries *Drum roll please* Romania or the Ukraine. It's too hard to pick just one...they are equally as good...see for yourself!

Romania



Ukraine


I know I'll be watching with a bottle or two of bucks Fizz (predictable huh?)...queston is, will you? People of Britain...in the words of Graham Norton..."Your country needs you!"

Video WOW of the week!

I'm always up for trashy TV, but this is actually ridiculous! You thought Paris Hilton's search for a British bestfriend was stupid?...check this one out! BROMANCE for MTV.

"Bromance means Romance but with bros" - sound's all a bit gay to me.

Starbucks Review No.6 : 34 Great Malborough St, W1

It was Good Monday/ Easter Monday, what ever you want to call it and I had the great idea that I was going to go for a wander round London, chill out and take in the sights. I had been in Worthing which is a lovely little town by the coast (just along from Brighton) for a few days, and although I had a lovely time I was also craving the hustle and bustle of the city. The tube was not working (surprise surprise) and so I had to get the bus, I didn't mind, I winded through the roads, Swiss Cottage, Maida Vale, Marble Arch, not a care in the world...then....I got to Oxford Street...It was rammed, and not in a good way, this was "annoying-people-in-my-way" rammed.

That reminds me, I am thinking of pushing my idea of a "tourist free day" for London. We can go out and enjoy our city with fellow Londoners, we can walk at 500 miles an hour down the street, because that's what we do...we can ignore each other on the tube because that suits us.

I needed to calm down, I needed something that made me feel at ease, Starbucks near House of Fraser, perfect! I was in the queue sandwiched between a really irritating couple who took forever to choose something to eat (they opted for the Belgian Chocolate Brownie - yuck!) and this other posh woman talking about how many times her husband has been to the gym and how they're having renovations blah blah. Got to the till point the card machine isn't working? Can I pay by cash? NO I can't, I span round searching for the next shop...Carnaby Street.

I went in, queued and this time the same problem the card machine wasn't working, I faked surprise, the "barista" asked me if I could possibly go and get some cash out, "I only have my card with me I'm afraid" I lied...I gave her my best puppy dog eyes and result! she gave me my drink with the proviso that I would pay next time (!!?) hmmm, still un-decided whether I will own up or not.

So yeah, this Starbucks has gone WAY up in my expectations, normally those busy branches are skanky and full of tourists but I saw it in a new light. The place was clean, the staff speedy but friendly, My Venti Coffee based Iced Mocha Frappuccino was delicious and I've seen the cheeky girls having an interview outside before; talk about ticking all the boxes...This is one cool Starbucks!

8 mochas out of 10 - matching the score of West End Lane.

3 gays, 1 lunch, too many emails.

Paul : What’s the plan for tomorrow night?

Martin : Rich and I are meeting for lunch, so will discuss and get back to u, Kindest Gayest Regards

Paul : You’re meeting for lunch? I knew it!

Rich: Ha! It's because we are both working at Chancery lane. Come and see us as well if you want

Paul : No it’s OK…I’m meeting Zac Efron for a late lunch, he’s working just round the corner - thanks anyway.

Martin : Wow, he’s hot. Send my love

Rich : Sorry Paul - I think Zac must have double booked! He's meeting me, Martin and Francois at 12.30 in Pret.

Martin : Oh, François confirmed?

Rich : Yes, he said he was free to come along. But he did give a warning that he might only be wearing a jock strap as he's coming right from a shoot.I said that wouldn't be a problem.

Paul : Well that’s an item more than Zac is wearing…we have strict no clothes Wednesdays – its been pretty successful to date.

It's definitely the heating!

I can confirm that it is definitely the heating, and my subsequent overheating that is messing with my sleep pattern! I have just woken up at 3.30 am and once again can't get back to sleep.

I have also just had another weird dream! Now with risk of this turning in to some hippy stylee "dream diary" I am going to tell you the tale...I will try not to make a habit of it, believe me I would rather be asleep right now.

Let me the set the scene, Justin Timberlake and I are sat by a river in England, when I say a river I think it was actually a canal made of wood (it was some sort of body of water), we are waiting for Jessica Alba to get ready as they are about to go on a music video shoot together, JT and I (yes I'm allowed to call him that) are having a right laugh, we're BBF's don't you know!? I ask him if he wants to be Blackberry Messenger Buddies with me...he declines, bastard! The next minute we are in this hotel room still waiting for Jessica Alba looking for cereal, I don't think we ever found any because the next minute...

I'm sat in the family home, well not exactly it was some run down council house and I had a black Mum (neither of which are even close) I had loads of people from school round for some sort of party, some of the bullies were sat there...they started on me and so I ran in to the garden and then jumped the fence which I broke, I got over it quickly because I was quickly back in the house...

My Mum (now white but still not my actual Mum) comes over with a a letter from the council. She doesn't understand it...I can't blame her, none of the sentences make sense. It's something to do with changes in our "housing arrangement", at the end of the letter we have to mark the writer on their competency of language, some sort of outreach programme for those in the slammer. We gave him a D....it was crap!

Another ridiculous dream! Now excuse me whilst I open my window, turn off the heating and try and get back to sleep...work tomorrow! That reminds me, what makes this worst is that my first thought when I stirred was "Wahoo - it's Saturday, what shall I do today?"...it isn't, it's Thursday and my Day is pretty much planned out for me.

Night! (again).

The Job interview from Hell...

Last night we saw the return of The Apprentice on BBC!

You'll be glad to hear that it has spewed out the usual bunch of jumped up "business acumen" once again, it always does, why would this year be any different!? That not a bad thing at all...I love it.

Call me satanic (no please feel free) but there is nothing I like more than a jumped up pleb falling down on television in front of the whole nation!

For those of you who are not familiar with the show, firstly where have you been?! let me explain. Sir Alan Sugar is supposedly a fantastic business man who has built up a "multi-million pound business empire" from scratch yada yada (he founded Amstrad and...erm, is that it?).

"Business people" apply to the programme to become his apprentice and earn a 6-figure salary (good times!), I don't think anyone really knows what that entails but 6-figure salary and a chance to work with Amstrad computers and satellite dishes? You're tempted yes?

The teams are split into two, boys and girls, with me so far? Each week Sir Alan gives them a task to do, they appoint a team leader and go about their business...the team who wins (normally by making the most profit) gets to fight another day, the team who looses gets the risk of the chop, the team leader gets marched back into the board room with two people they think let the team down that week, there's usually...no always...a lot of arguing, followed by cringe worthy sucking up and then Sir Alan says the famous words "You're fired" and off one of them pops off to the local pub no doubt to drown their sorrows.

In the first show I swear they all inject steroids, they introduce themselves quite calmly but then something just clicks and they go off on one about how fantastic they are...each ones gets wheeled in and each one says the same crap trying to outdo the others..."I'm a go-getter, I see a goal and I just go for it - I'm a grafter..I have drive, nothing will stand in my way when I see something I want, I AM the next Apprentice!"

Last night we saw Anita Shah get the chop, I personally don't think it was deserved. OK she was useless at washing cars, she was a drip who didn't really voice her opinion, ultimately as "chief calculator user" she should have highlighted the teams costs were spiralling out of control and that being a trained lawyer admitting a nicey-nice approach where she doesn't normally raise her voice and does as she's told isn't the best thing to do...OK, OK, perhaps she did deserve to go.


..doesn't she look sad?

I can't wait until next week I've already decided who's my favourite and who are the two snakes to watch out for.

First idiot is Philip Taylor..who describes himself in the following way "Business is the new rock 'n' roll and I'm Elvis Presley" - Elvis got fat and is dead is he not? What a jumped up prat! OK, probably the best looking in the boys team but this does not mask just how irritating he is, to make things worse (and I don't know why this does) he's also an estate agent. Everything I hate rolled up into one "lad".


He's just got one of those faces you want to smack doesn't he?

The girls do not go un-scathed...Debra Barr! Where to begin?Actually easy...sort your name out, Debra? Sophisticated spelling, different or just annoying? Deborah was brought into the boardroom last night for not managing her sub-team very well and calling two of her crew "Puppets" then lying about it in the boardroom...spell it with me...B, I, T,C,H.


Don't be misled by her smile, she's the devil.

I'll announce my favourite wannabe next week, I need to see more of her before I put myself out there and place my bet! I will leave you with the below...get the idea?

Video WOW of the week!

It's Britney Spears - Womanizer in sign-language...of course! Could this be the new dance craze to hit the clubs? I learnt how to spell my name in sign language once..I've since forgotten.

Tattoo

I'm thinking about getting another tattoo...I already have two small ones, one on my lower back and one at the base of my neck but I'm getting that urge again.

I already know where I want it, that's half the battle...on the inside of my left wrist.

Now the bigger question, what to have? What do I want branded on myself for the rest of my life? I've had a few ideas, one was a disco ball but that's WAY WAY too homosexual and so that was vetoed, I had a look on the net for some ideas...

You'll be glad to hear that there is nothing there that takes my fancy although...what about all the faces of The Saturdays emblazoned down my forearm? or perhaps the dance routines to Steps Tragedy complete with lyrics, foot positions and arm gestures? WOW.

I think I'll take some inspiration from the silly bint at the bottom and go with a music theme? I like to go out and have a good time and I've met a lot of my friends through concerts etc, I'm also practically surgically attached to my ipod so it would be quite fitting.

I did think about having volume bars (or graphic equalizer for those in the know) however I quickly realised that tattoos don't move and I would just look like I was showing the world my love of maths and in particular bar graphs...



See my point? I went back to the drawing board and have come up with the following suggestions...

1) Headphones



2) Remote symbols

What does everyone else think?

Video WOW of the week!

It's been a while but here she is again...Britney Spears and her next single release...if you seek Amy.

Supposedly there are hidden messages in this song? hmmmm

Video WOW of the week!

Just say NO to children making clothes!

Check!

I made a list back at the beginning of the year, "Paul's things to do in 2009 list"...just a reminder.

1) Have a clear out (both London and Essex house) and EBay /charity shop stuff I don’t need.
2) Sign up for French Lessons.
3) Watch the sun-rise over London from Primrose Hill.
4) Go for dinner at Yauatcha, Soho
5) Visit Scotland.
6) Go and play Bingo.
7) Visit Buckingham Palace.
8) Learn to cook dim-sum.
9) Re-visit roller disco.
10) Organise a University re-union.
11) Go on a bike ride.
12) Buy and keep alive a goldfish.
13) Sing at Karaoke
14) Go and have a drink in the North London Tavern with Jo and Lori.

Hark...what is that I see? something has been marked? Hell yes! Last night a group of us from work went to Karaoke for Kieran's "21st" birthday at Bloomsbury bowling lanes, the wine was flowing , inhibitions well and truly lost and so we all belted out our favourite tunes. The usual retro classics were of course played but we also snuck in a few Britney and Girls Aloud into the mix...the night ended with us all dancing on the stage...good times! 1 down, 13 to go.

let the twittering begin...

I've heard the name twitter.com a couple of times now, the first time was actually at work when my boss was talking about it...supposedly it was the latest social thang to be doing. I didnt really think much about it but today as I lay in bed (I've got a day off) I logged on and it didnt take long before I was set-up and twitter enabled - what a feeling!

Twitter is like the facebook status change, you can update the world as to what you're doing at any given moment...amazing! Par example..you'll know when I'm making a cuppa tea, when I'm having a shower, when I'm cleaning the flat, when I'm stuck on a tube trying to get home...you get the idea.

It's the next level of voyerurism or "nosey-ness". Much simpler to use than facebook (although that is still where my social network loyalties lie). It's live and better still I've downloaded the blackberry app which means I actually can update from anywhere...

If I can ask you to direct your attenton to the panel on the right...there I am!

Tweet Tweet.

The tour continues...

You've just climbed two flights of stairs, you push open the door of The Penthouse (TM) and well...you're faced with another set of stairs (why else would we call it the Penthouse?). These are especially fun when you're drunk, luckily if you bounce your way off the walls you can get up them in one piece - an art I've developed over the months.

At the top of the stairs you can see the pride and joy of our clearly mental land-lady - the big wall of mirrors..not one, not two but six mirrors placed together to give the appearance of one - so very clever!

I may scoff but these do actually have their uses, they are good for those last minute checks we must all do before we leave the house, do I have trousers on? Have I got toothpaste round my mouth? and also when we're having one of our nights in, music and disco lights at the ready they just complete the dance floor.

Up the final set of stairs and you're in the hallway type place with access to our boudoirs and the corridor through to my bathroom, living room and kitchen.

This area in hindsight looks a little like a shrine but I can ensure you it's not...saying that...what a great idea!