Up, Up and Away...

My job involves me taking A LOT of flights...luckily I enjoy flying and actually welcome the time to myself. I was in Turkey for the last couple of days visiting some factories. A flying visit (excuse the pun) arriving Wednesday evening and returning back to London yesterday.

Looking forward to getting back to London, my designer and I boarded at Istanbul Airport. The most irritating old American woman who was sat in front (incidentally with really bad hair) was already moaning about the fact she was sat in an upper class seat and couldn't recline. The UBER camp and rather stocky (fat) Air Steward informed her that due to being at an over-wing emergency exit, they couldn't recline as the doors had to be clear. "UN-ACCEPTABLE" she barked back. Well, I was in the same situation but apart from removing the wings and shifting them down 3 metres I could see little that could be done. He minced off and ignored her, I tried to do the same (minus the mincing).

We were just coming on to the runway when the pilot came on the speaker and explained that due to a young lady being taken ill we were having to return to the stand in order to get her assistance. Queue tutting, hissing and general moaning in the cabin. I must admit my own initial thought was that she's probably drunk or hung over, but at the end of the day, me getting arsey was not going to speed the situation up. The pilot wasn't going to think, "Crap, the passenger in seat 10D is looking rather annoyed, we'll head straight off, don't worry about closing the doors, there's no time..hold on everyone". We returned to the gate.

The girl was escorted off, the ultimate "walk of shame". I must admit I did visualise fellow passengers standing up, spitting at her and lobbing stones, no make that rocks, at her head as she walked past. Luckily they didn't. We sat at the gate for ages, I don't really know why we sat there so long. Perhaps we were waiting for her to visit her local GP, pop to the pharmacy and re-board? Anyway, she never came back.

The pilot came on again, apologising for the delay and that he would be travelling faster than usual to try and make up some lost time and that we would be leaving in about 5 minutes.

Of course I would be happy to travel faster to make up lost time, but part of me a) questioned why we wouldn't have been going at this faster speed had we left on time? Was the pilot planning on taking a leisurely fly back? and b) would I rather go the normal speed thus reducing risk of plummeting into ground into a ball of flames. It was best to leave it in his capable hands and to his expert opinion. An expert opinion that I started to doubt when promising on about 6 occasions that we would be leaving in 5 minutes, we didn't. Do I trust a pilot who can't count? Do I have any choice in the matter? No.

I remained calm and carried on reading my book. That was until cabin fever set and people started getting annoying, like REALLY annoying. I suddenly noticed the two 'mid-life crisis aged' I-pad using men, who weren't really doing anything on them, just showing them off. The American woman still moaning about her seat (just get out and walk), the rude Air Steward and his fat arse squeezing down the aisle, the dude behind me who kept putting his feet up against the back of my seat and the Australian woman talking to people (no make that everyone) about her concerns in catching her connecting flight at Heathrow.

Thankfully for all of the above, the seat-belt sign came on, silence resumed and we left again. An hour and a half later than scheduled. I didn't care by this point, I just wanted to whack my ipod in, read my book and zone out.

Now I'm back in London, I wonder what happened to that woman? Did we actually fly faster? And did the Australian ever catch that connecting flight? Like the age old question "why are there always phones in hotel toilets?" I guess we'll never know.

Next flight: New York, next week...at least there's a pretzel at the end of that flight, however horrendous it is.

Video WOW of the Week!

I know I've already posted a video WOW this week, but I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's my blog and I make the rules...here's another. The Saturdays next single "Higher". I heard the song on their album and I liked it, I liked it a lot. I then watched Saturdays 24/7 which I loved, I loved a lot. They were showing the making of this video. Kinda ruined the magic for me. They're not actually in NY they're on a set in LA AND there weren't really dancing window cleaners, in fact, rumour has it they weren't window cleaners at all! Crafty!

Video WOW of the Week!

My Video WOW of the Week is Cheryl Cole's new song "Promise This". Not a massive fan of the song, but like hair, I'm sure it'll grow on me. The video is tres amazing and the words if I could understand half of them are probably very deep and profound...now excuse me, I'm off to learn a dance routine.

Mind the Gap.

I use the tube every day. Those of you who live in London, or those of you who have visited...have you ever noticed "The Tube Way"?

def: "A distinct set of actions that nearly everyone who gets on a London tube carries out"...no? Well let me break it down.

The Arrival.
Here is where you can tell the Londoners from the tourists...most Londoners do the same journey again and again. We always walk on the left hand side of the escalator (we're very important and always in a rush) and we know where to stand for a) the best chances of getting a seat and b) the quickest exit when we get to our destination. Like an army operation, it's all about the planning.

Next train 1 minute.
We've all done it, seen a train turn up, got caught up in the moment and ran as the doors shut. Everyone inside the carriage sees you as you hurtle into the door, you spin, and just walk on up the platform trying to look cool, "I wasn't trying to get on that train anyway, I'm cool, I'm just chilling". Your disappointed face is saying something quite different. Tube trains tend to come every 2 or 3 minutes, therefore when in doubt don't RUN

Stand clear of the closing doors.
Similar to the above, someone always runs and someone always get's their bag/ hair/ coat/ head stuck in the door. When travelling with someone the individual will break down into fits of laughter much to the disgust of everyone waiting for the tube to move away. If alone the stuck individual will always panic, then smile and avoid eye contact for their whole journey. Everyone else will stare at this person thinking "flid".

The Carriage View.
Your first chance to take in your surroundings. Who's in there? Anyone you want to avoid? No? The coast is clear, next check...any seats? You find yourself looking longingly up and down the carriage for a seat despite having seen that people are standing up, squeezed in and therefore there really aren't any...each station you do a 360 check, like a hawk, is the old lady smelling of cats getting up? Oh Yes she is...strike.

Seat Smug.
Watch out for them, there's one seat, two people who clearly want it. They dash down the carriage, stepping on people, jumping over bags, swinging on the bars, there can only be one winner...the victorious ALWAYS gives a smug look, ALWAYS. What they really want to say is "I got the seat, you didn't...HA IN YOUR FACE!" but that would involve speaking to someone on the tube, which you just don't do.

Hold-on.
There's always a group of normally Spanish young tourists, who are shocked when the tube pulls away. "What? This thing moves?" They all go crashing down the aisle. Look out for the regular tube users who tut and shake their heads in disapprovement, inside we're actually finding it very funny.

Checking out the talent.
You're sat down or standing on the tube...within the first 2 minutes, you have already done a scan of the carriage, you have identified the hottest person, you have identified the mental person that you do not want to be anywhere near - fact.

Delays.
Watch people's expressions when a delay is announced. I guarantee the following will happen. People will tut and roll their eyes followed by a time check. Watch or phone, we are not amused and we clearly have somewhere VERY important to be, this two minute delay is a real inconvenience. Watch out for the people who have flights to get, they'll be the ones hyperventilating.

It's good to talk.
Communication with people you don't know on the tube is forbidden. The only time strangers talk is if a) they are drunk or b) they have stopped underground for a prolonged period. After 4 minutes people will start to look at each other as if to say "What an 'effin surprise!", after 7 minutes an old dude has normally muttered a moan and after 20 minutes the air is running out and people are telling their life stories. I keep my headphones in and ignore all of the above.

Video WOW of the Week!

I kept hearing this song in my sister's car, I liked it and this is why Kelly Rowland - Commander is my Video WOW of the Week! Move over Beyonce, Kels is the one for me. She's the kinda girl I'd like to be friends with, I'm always honest to my friends and can tell them anything - "Rowland the red catsuit is very Britney circa Ooops I did it again (and not in a good way) and please put your arse away love". Fabulous song, Fabulous singer, shite video - BFF xoxo.

I want!!!

Love these...believe it or not they're Swatch. OK I know what you're thinking, I'm thinking it too - my first watch, red and blue horrible thing. We may scoff but that bad boy has taught many of us the age old skill of time-telling. Swatch are about to release these rather scrummy men's edition watches. I want the black one, no the white one, or perhaps the red one...bugger it I want them all. Launch this month.

Starbucks Review No.11 : Membury Service Station

I've just spent a rather relaxing week in Devon with the family. I love Devon. I go every year, a week of relaxation, fresh air, time to escape London.

However...Every morning I woke up with a headache. It wasn't the loud farming machinery, oh no, it wasn't the loud cows, oh no again. I think it was coffee withdrawal symptoms. I have a Grande Vanilla Latte every morning at work, sometimes I even go Venti (naughty I know). This past week I went cold turkey...nothing, I tried to pour a few cups of tea down my neck but my head was having none of it. The nearest Starbucks was 14 miles away - now I like to walk, but 14 miles that's really long.

I tweeted the UK Mangaging Director of Starbucks who confirmed my fears...the nearest branches were no where near...trapped.

I soldiered on through, when I get back to Chelmsford there is a Starbucks there, in fact there are two. I still had a 5 hour car journey between me and the promised land...We pulled up in a rather run down service station en-route, proudly advertising it's KFC up-stairs, then I saw it...

*queue operatic up-lifting music.

Membury Services on the M4 had a Starbucks.

Starbucks Review No.11 : Membury Service Station.

A real case of supply and demand, I was already scoring this branch highly before I'd stepped in. As soon as I did, step in, it wen't down hill...massive queue and crap staff.

The atmosphere was fine, I like a good Service Station anyway; a limbo between A and B. Lots of different people, all running about, stocking up on trashy magazines, travel sweets and using the bogs.

Atmosphere was fine, cleanliness was also above board, the cleaner was a little lady (I think it was a lady) who smelt a little bit like rusks..anyway she was employed by the service station. All the Starbucks staff had to do was serve the coffee and the food.

I went on a rant, not at them (I don't like to cause a scene), the rant went something like this...

"I'm sorry I took so long to get my coffee sweet family of mine, thank you for waiting. The staff were clearly retarded. They were serving each other's food first in front of a massive queue of customers, they were having a chat behind the counter, one (the largest of the four) didn't know how to use the cleaning products and had the most annoying laugh and wasn't really doing very much, one girl was moaning about the till saying she'd given it a smack earlier as it wasn't working, she was also trying to keep up with all the drinks orders which took forever to come, the guy was flirting with one of the other members of the staff (the largest of the four I think) and they were all complaining that one of the team had been on break too long and should be back, I asked for a straw for a large straw and the girl barked back at me that the only ones they had were on the counter despite me seeing them behind her"...and breathe.

Coffee tasted good though.

Membury you should be ashamed of yourself...you score 2 mochas out of 10.

Video WOW of the Week!

It's the perfect song to listen to/ sing out loud when walking down any busy platform or your local High Street...Love the Kylie, Love the song...Get Outta My Way - the lil Australian's next single.